Now We’re Talking – And Listening

I wrote this poem whilst in ‘spacious mode’ on holiday. This is the term that Professor Megan Reitz and John Higgins use to describe an “expansive, exploratory attention… where, in the absence of pressure from immediate expectations, a different quality of insight becomes possible.” In this space, it’s not so much that you write poetry; the poem writes itself. It’s a delicious experience to feel the words flow through or to take action that meets the moment without any overthinking.  

Contrast this with ‘doing mode’ (which, let’s face it, most of us spend most of our waking hours in.) 

In the ‘doing’ way of working, “we attend to action, often focusing through a narrow, fragmented, instrumental lens of short-term productivity onto targets, metrics, agendas and to-do lists.” In this mode, the emails ping in, the alerts divert our focus and much can get done but at what cost? Whilst ‘doing mode’ is a vital capacity for survival, if we overdo it, there can be serious consequences.

In this post, I explore the downsides of being hooked on ‘doing’ and how to shift into being mode. Why does this matter? Well, to quote Dr Claus Springborg, from his latest book, The Five Knots, life and work become simpler and more satisfying when you ‘Let Being do you.’ It’s not that you stop doing altogether (you still take out the trash, write the email and join a meeting), but your state of being becomes more foreground. You are in touch with how you are when you’re doing whatever you’re doing. In spacious mode, you’re aware of feeling relaxed, alert and ‘in your seat.’ You feel your feet on the ground, you notice the plant in reception, you smell the wisteria when you walk down the street, you hear the train hoot in the distance, you taste the coffee not just knock it back. 

When doing absorbs all our attention, it becomes problematic in several ways. Firstly, there’s the risk of burnout. Pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion is, in some organisations, worn as a badge of honour. As those who have suffered burnout know, the recovery can be long and painful. A client recently shared with me how they’d stopped working each weekday evening until midnight (make that 3am some nights) after they’d had a conversation with a colleague who’d fallen into the same pattern, met a health crisis and then took 18 months to recover. A sobering wake-up call. 

Secondly, when we’re in hyper-doing mode, we lose our empathy. A recent review by the Financial Conduct Agency (FCA) has urged banks and building societies to better support customers in vulnerable situations, such as bereavement or registering a power of attorney. The FCA found inconsistencies in how financial institutions handle such cases, noting that while some staff acted compassionately, others failed to recognize emotional distress, impeding access to essential funds and exacerbating crises. The FCA emphasized that compassionate and flexible support from financial institutions could significantly ease the emotional toll and administrative burden faced by bereaved individuals and has issued tailored feedback to firms on how toimprove their processes. When we’re rushing to the next call or stressing about meeting our metric, we often fail to notice the struggle someone else is having. 

Finally, “lashing out at staff is bad for business”, writes Isabel Berwick in a recent FT article. Whilst “shouty, negative and underling-blaming leadership styles” are certainly in vogue in many organisations (and even on the world stage), they create a culture of fear, silence and criticism. In this atmosphere, leaders might get things done in the short term but people’s wellbeing, motivation and mental health take a hit in the longer term. Psychologists have a long history of exploring what it takes for people to go the extra mile at work rather than shut up and put up. Purpose, autonomy and mastery all play their part but being present packs a bigger punch. Being bullied, shouted at or shamed into getting things done will never generate the ‘discretionary effort’ which is gold for a team, organisation or community endeavour. 

What lies beneath  the descending of some leaders into mean and demeaning behaviours? As Isabel Berwick points out, our conditioning as well as corporate norms both play a part. If we were shouted at growing up, we’re more likely to replicate that as we bring our ‘family of origin’ imprint into the workplace with us. If we work for a company where moving fast and breaking things (including other people) is acceptable, we’re more at risk of being overly aggressive ourselves. ‘Strong man’ or ‘strong woman’ behaviours can also be a ‘cover story’ for a deep-seated insecurity. Some leaders defend against feeling vulnerable by flexing their muscles to show ‘strength.’ Other leaders, when under pressure fail to engage in self-regulation and find their ‘calm.’ This lack of know-how and self-regulation has a real impact on the people around them. 

Cultivating presence

By contrast, being present and ‘open for business’ is a great state for corporate leaders to be in. As I wrote in my book, Powered by Purpose:

“Leadership presence (as I call it) applies at the three levels that leaders work at. In an organization, our presence expands our ability to let go of outdated ways of working and be open to new ideas and directions. In a team, with presence, we are open to others’ ideas and do not feel threatened by others’ input and genius; we stay grounded when triggered. On a personal level, we stand in our own authority without needing external validation with a clear sense of what life is calling us to do.”

It is only by building leadership presence that a leader will stop operating in more self-absorbed ways. Developing presence utterly changes our notion of leadership and power. 

Presence is powerful not because it controls others — but because it connects us:

• Power with rather than power over
• Listening to rather than talking at
• Acting from clarity rather than reacting from fear

When leaders cultivate real presence, they stop operating from old conditioning or corporate norms that promote aggression. We drop the tendency to think that when we’re not doing anything, we’re wasting our time. Instead of obsessing over our ‘To Do’ list, we set our ‘sat nav’ to a state of being – being alive, peaceful, helpful, joyful, to be loving. And this is what the world needs the most. We all need to ‘unhook’ from being consumed by ‘doing’ to leave room for being aware of our state of being, which is the ground for all action. As  Thich Nhat Hanh writes in The Art of Living: “the quality of being determines our quality of doing.”

When we are plugged into our being, we create vibrant spaces where energy flows, people speak up, and new possibilities emerge. 

And sometimes — when the space is right — a poem even writes itself.

What happens when you unhook? Maybe it’s time to find out.

References

Berwick I (2025) Lashing out at staff is bad for business, Financial Times

Reitz M & Higgins J (2024) Permission to Pause: Rediscovering Spaciousness at Work. A research report. https://www.meganreitz.com/spaciousness\

Rozenthuler S (2020) Powered by Purpose: Energise your People to do Great Work. Pearson

Smith K (2025) FCA probes banks on bereavement and power of attorney policies, Financial Times

Springborg C (2024) The Five Knots: A Guide to Being-Centred Therapy. https://www.sensingmind.com/product/the-5-knots-a-guide-to-being-centred-therapy/