I wonder if the following research surprises you. In 2008 Performance Coaching International surveyed 750 managers in public, private and voluntary sectors about how they addressed poor performance in their staff. They found that 70 percent of the managers said that they were either unable or unwilling to have the “courageous conversation” needed to address underperformance.
The managers gave two main reasons. Firstly, there was an underlying fear of having such conversations. Secondly, there was a lack of understanding about how to go about them.
When I’ve had to manage an under-performing member of staff, I’ve learnt that having some know-how about conversation makes a big difference. It’s enabled me to call up my courage, remove obstacles and bring about enhanced performance. It’s also made me feel good. Talking to someone when there were tough things to say without rupturing the relationship is a key skill, not just professionally but personally.
Here are a few observations about what helps a “courageous conversation” to happen:
- Everyone who’s present participates.
- Each person says what’s true for them.
- Everyone is listened to.
- People talk about what really matters.
- No one tries to control where the conversation goes.
- People respect each other’s differences.
What, in your experience, has helped you to talk when you’d rather not? How have you faced into difficult situations? What wisdom can you share with others?
Please leave a comment. I’d love to learn from you!
Hi Sarah. Really good website and some very interesting and important questions. I think, for me, having ‘successful’ difficult conversations is often a matter of context. That is to say getting away from WHERE the original problem or sequence of problems occurred. Also I think that planning the encounter is important. This I always did in an amateurish way – simply trying to anticipate reactions and possible outcomes (including those I desperately wanted to avoid). I think this is where your book helps most – it gives a much better structure and approach for this stage. One thing that always used to help me was stating upfront “whatever happens between this and now I want this working relationship to continue.” And, it was often the case that subsequent conversations had to reinforce this intention – sometimes in small ways – by pointing out how much I wanted to continue to work together, even though differences had occurred. But, it’s always a risk – and there are always unknowns and unanticipated twists and turns. JD
Hi Jeremy,
Thanks so much for your comment. Delighted that you like the website!
I agree that being in the right space – both physically and psychologically – is important for a difficult conversation. It’s great to hear that the book has helped you with creating a more conscious gameplan.
It’s a challenge, however, because no matter how well we plan for a conversation, we also have to let all that go and improvise! But we riff best when we’ve done our “scales” so to speak!
I also like the way you underline how you state a clear intention upfront to continue in the working relationship. Although my work is ostensibly about conversation, it’s really about how we relate, human being to human being.
It’s great to be in conversation with you!
Very best,
Sarah